JAMES LIFE

Whys the Rum gone?

2007-01-01T13:31:09Z

I suppose i might post on here once again. Bleh. Happy new years kids and kiddies. Yours truly had some very nice rum and shot a shotgun of at midnight to celibrate.

On the subject of Rum, it rocks. No prebuzz headache, no hangover, just that happy warm feeling you get in your tummy.

On the subject of shotguns, now my shoulder hurts. But it was worth it. i think i made that little obnoxious kid i live next door wet his bed. Ha!

Friday im planing on going for my license. ive a long book, plans fr 4 in the morning and a suit of damn midevil armor, just to get threw that zoo in huntsville. but i aint leaving till the damn card is in the mail. How did i hear is said? 'The fighting will end when it ends and not before' That fors for alot of situations right now..waiting on my car, waiting on my money from mom, waiting on my trip up to see Dianne.....waiting. im a wait o holic. Its like rum, i suppose

Met jody, Joel edward [Think its edward >.>], the mythical father figure i never knew. We ate in dariy queen and talked, and a little later, that next week or so, we went to my aunt lynns together. Hes a cool guy, and its freaky weird seeing us together. Somethings ARE genetic..we walk, sit and stand the same, both wear big coats, both have glasses, but smoke salems..walking out the dariy queen was a fucking twilight zone experience. Were side by side, walking to his car, and the same moment, same way, both pull out a pack of salems. He smokes lights, i smoke black label fulls, he looks over at me and askes if i smoke those, i nod, and we keep on trucking. It was only later when i got home that i realized how freaking weird that is. He looks the same, talks the same i suppose, with a definit 60's kinda jive.

Holy cow i met my dad and he was me. well, no more guessing what the future holds for me! [P.S. I get to keep my hair till im at least 60 -headbangs-]

reaper281 @ 2006-07-26T12:59:00

2006-07-26T17:59:48Z

You May Be a Bit Schizotypal...

A bit odd and socially isolated.
You couldn't care less of what others think.
And some of your beliefs are a little weird.
Like that time you thought you were Jesus.

What Personality Disorder Are You?

reaper281 @ 2006-07-24T03:24:00

2006-07-24T08:24:25Z

You scored as Dragon. Dragon: Now talk about a legend. These magnificent creatures are of many species. Some can be as large as the Earth itself, while others are as small as a mouse. One image that comes to everyone's mind is the large, fire breathing Dragons that loathed humans and loved to sleep on massive piles of gold. Not all dragons have a bad reputation. Most dragons are very wise, caring, and protective. It would make a person very lucky indeed to meet a dragon. Especially if they walked away untouched. I admire your wisdom, for you are the Ancient Dragon.

</td>

Dragon

100%

Demon

92%

WereWolf

75%

Angel

75%

Faerie

67%

Mermaid

59%

What Mythological Creature are you? (Cool Pics!)
created with QuizFarm.com

reaper281 @ 2006-07-24T03:08:00

2006-07-24T08:09:03Z

Everyone that didnt see this coming, smack yourself with a tuna

You scored as XIII: Death. Death is probably the most well known Tarot card - and also the most misunderstood. Most Tarot novices would consider Death to be a bad card, especially given its connection with the number thirteen. In fact this card rarely indicates literal death.Without "death" there can be no change, only eventual stagnation. The "death" of the child allows for the "birth" of the adult. This change is not always easy. The appearance of Death in a Tarot reading can indicate pain and short term loss, however it also represents hope for a new future.

</td>

XI: Justice

94%

XIII: Death

94%

II - The High Priestess

75%

VIII - Strength

75%

XVI: The Tower

75%

IV - The Emperor

69%

XIX: The Sun

69%

VI: The Lovers

69%

I - Magician

63%

0 - The Fool

56%

X - Wheel of Fortune

44%

III - The Empress

44%

XV: The Devil

13%

Which Major Arcana Tarot Card Are You?
created with QuizFarm.com

reaper281 @ 2006-07-14T16:05:00

2006-07-14T21:14:48Z

Wow its been a while. sorry guys, i havent been posting like i want to. I dont know why. Part of it is just life, nothing really new. Part of it is Laura. Part of it is that im now a certified Second Life adict. Greatest game ever, if theyd stop updating it and screwing it up.

So, whats new. Not dating anyone, and not looking to, really. Im tired of the game, so to speak. Everyone has someone, that is, everyone else. Meh.

Im gonna kill that damn Rain song if it comes on my playlist again.

Working at the local BP gas station. Wee, thats a fun job. Get your work done, sit on your ass. im serious. Now if i could get more than 3 days a week...

Its looking like i will be in my moms old house till october. Then i turn 21 (oh joy, i can drink legaly whenever im depressed) and can sell drinks. then im moving to Decature and get a job in a store that sells alchol. Apperently, their allways looking for help, and they pay $7/hr. hells yes. Whats life without the danger of being robbed and killed at 2am?

I dont really care anymore. Not about anything. My friends and my cat, really.

So I wont get my license back till December. hen i have to be on SR11 insurance till 2009. thats a load of bullcrap. I might as well just keep on biking, i cant afford that crap. The government is just outt to down the poor man, I swear.

Heres a song for Laura. One that i wish shed read and accual do. Calls from her, a month later, where she talks about missing me and such, arnt helping. She wanted to go hang out sometime, but she must not get it. I dunno. Here it is.

Hate Me

[message on voicemail:] Hi Justin! This is your mother. It is 2:33 on Monday afternoon. I was just calling to see how you were doing. You sounded really uptight last night, it made me a little nervous, and a little, well it made me nervous, but it sounded like you were nervous too. I just want to make sure you are really okay and wanted to see if you were checking in on your medication too. You know I love ya and take care honey. I know your under a lot of pressure. See ya. Bye Bye!

I have to block out thoughts of you so I don’t lose my head
They crawl in like a cockroach leaving babies in my bed
Dropping little reels of tape to remind me that I’m alone
Playing movies in my head that make a porno feel like home
There's a burning in my pride, a nervous bleeding in my brain
An ounce of peace is all I want for you. will you never call again?
And will you never say that you love me just to put it in my face?
And will you never try to reach me? it is I that wanted space

Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you

I’m sober now for 3 whole months it’s one accomplishment that you helped me with
The one thing that always tore us apart is the one thing I won’t touch again
In my sick way I want to thank you for holding my head up late at night
While I was busy waging wars on myself, you were trying to stop the fight
You never doubted my warped opinions on things like suicidal hate
You made me compliment myself when it was way too hard to take
So I’ll drive so fucking far away that I never cross your mind
And do whatever it takes in your heart to leave me behind

Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn’t do for you

Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what’s good for you

And with a sad heart I say bye to you and wave
Kicking shadows on the street for every mistake that I had made
And like a baby boy I never was a man
Until I saw your blue eyes cry and I held your face in my hand
And then I fell down yelling “Make it go away!”
Just make a smile come back and shine just like it used to be
And then she whispered “How can you do this to me?”

Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn’t do for you

Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what’s good for you
For you
For you
For you

reaper281 @ 2006-05-19T01:55:00

2006-05-19T06:55:59Z

chorus:
I tear my heart open, I sow myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
My scars remind me that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel

Drunk and I'm feeling down
And I just wanna be alone
I'm pissed cause you came around
Why don't you just go home
Cause you channel all your pain
And I can't help to fix myself
Your making me insane
All I can say is

chorus

I tried to help you once
A kiss will only vise
I saw you going down
But you never realized
That your drowning in the water
So I offered you my hand
Compassions in my nature
Tonight is our last dance

chorus

I'm drunk and I'm feeling down
And I just wanna be alone
You shouldn't ever came around
Why don't you just go home?
Cause your drowning in the water
And I tried to grab your hand
And I left my heart open
But you didn't understand
But you didn't understand
You fix yourself

I can't help you fix yourself
But at least I can say I tried
I'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own life
I can't help you fix yourself
But at least I can say I tried
I'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own life

chorus x2

reaper281 @ 2006-04-29T07:05:00

2006-04-29T12:19:25Z

Ahh...things are looking up!

Walked to the store around 10 last night. Was feeling like i needed to get out. So I walked..also promised my new subby that we would both get into shape..she walks on a tredmill for half an hour, i walk to the store. I dont suppose the fact that I bought ciggerettes and then scarfed a steakburger matters...>.>...<.<....

I was really happy after I left Huddle House. I dont know if it was the food, or the walk, or the fact that the girl behind the counter at Huddle House kept giving me googly eyes as I ate...but I was. I suspect its a new life improvement I have.

I finaly stopped denying it. Im a freak. Im a 'Dom', or a Dominate. My new subby..or submissive, is great. She is fun to talk to, says 'Yes, Master' just right...and makes me smile, just at random times. I love it. Its not just a sexual, i wanna tie her up, she wants to be tied up and spanked kinda thing...its deeper. She trusts me to make decisions for her. Like the walking thing. I trust her to do as told..and catch me, if I get over zelous. Its..wonderful.

I was very happy..then I dropped my flashlight. Broke it too..the battery case is lose, and I lost one of the batteries. -sigh-. So I walked, and called her. Were tring to get a picture of her to format into text, I think its called ASCII. would look awesome. Made it home, got on Furcadia, blah blah blah..went to bed, the soft moans of my pet playing wither self to warm me. After my phone died -glares- I tried sleeping..and got up an hour later. Didnt work.

Had a bad assed Idea for a Furc charater..but its a surprise. She will love it, I know. Then again, ill never be as good as the real thing...

-sigh- so im happy. As she put it, when she described the time she first realized she was submissive, I feel 'at home'

YES!!!

2006-04-27T20:26:55Z

Dance the night away by karchan85
Name
What you Look like
The Music	Reggae

Quiz created with MemeGen!

reaper281 @ 2006-04-27T00:04:00

2006-04-27T05:14:42Z

I guess I did it again. Refused to see the writting on the wall...

Where to start.

Laura and I are over...for good. Shes...tore me a good one. Her and Duffy are datting..she will deny it all she can, she will say she still loves and cares for me....but I know its a lie now.

Funny, how when somthing like this happens, you expect tears. I expected to be screaming, hiting the wall..everything. But I'm not. Blame it on Ciggerettes.

Yea...ciggerettes. my new hobbie. 'Smoke smoke smoke, puff that ciggerette till you die'

So...im blah. Feel kinda..shell shocked. Numb and cold. Maybe I will cry later.

I told her we were threw...and she just said 'okay. see ya.'

...

I really want to get drunk. right now. A big ol' bottle of vodka and a tiny botle of orange juice. Thats what i need. Hook me up.

Maybe Josh will...

Laura...you were great. you gave me so much. Now you take it all away and give it to someone new...and I wont say a word, as long as you happy. He makes you that way. I am glad for you. Maybe he will give you somthing you want that i couldnt. Maybe your parents will like him. maybe you will love him. Thank you for 4 months of your life. I dont regret any of it.

I guess this makes me single. Any of my friends know a nice, single, slightly or extreamly kinky girl that is looking for a guy? give he my number if you do. I cant wait till I have my car back. Get to go to Books-a-million again. Hang out in joe mugs, smile and see people. Soon enough, ill be 21...and then theres no end to it. Clubs, bars. Hell, i could become popular.

I am going to try and update more...i know I missed alot here. Quiting walmart. The chance to go to South Carolina. But I am too....numb to type it.

Good bye, my Lala. May your days be blessed, and may your love stay strong. G'night everyone.

>.>...im such a freak...

2006-04-24T09:47:24Z

You scored as A Slave To BDSM. Admit it, you like being tied up and being told you've been very naughty. You like teasing your partner and making them squirm, and not letting them be able to do anything about it. Some people think what you do is sick and disgusting, but you know it's all in good fun.

</td>

A Slave To BDSM

90%

Sex God

70%

A Romantic

68%

Virgin

40%

How are you in bed
created with QuizFarm.com

reaper281 @ 2006-04-24T01:46:00

2006-04-24T06:46:37Z

"Disturbed I'm Alive lyrics"

Never again will I be dishonored
And never again will I be reminded
We're living within the world of the jaded
They killed inspiration
It's my obligation
To never again, allow this to happen
Where do I begin?
The choices are endless
Denying the sin
My art, my redemption
I carry the torch of my fathers before me

The thing I treasure most in life cannot be taken away
There will never be a reason why I will surrender to your advice
To change myself, I'd rather die
Lonely, we'll not understand
I will make the greatest sacrifice
You can't predict where the outcome lies
You'll never take me alive
I'm alive
I'm alive
I'm alive

Danger, then, cannot be considered
I rage again, dispelling my anger
Where do I begin?
The choices are endless
My art, my redemption, my only salvation
I carry the gift that I have been blessed with
My soul is adrift in notions of madness
Repairing the rift that you have created
I am not alone, brothers, give me your arms now

The thing I treasure most in life cannot be taken away
There will never be a reason why I will surrender to your advice
To change myself, I'd rather die
Lonely, we'll not understand
I will make the greatest sacrifice
You can't predict where the outcome lies
You'll never take me alive

I'm no slave
Are you feeling brave?
Or have you gone out of your mind?
No more games
It won't feel the same
If I hold my anger inside
There's no meaning
My soul is bleeding
I've had enough of your kind
One suggestion, use your discretion
Before you label it lie

The thing I treasure most in life cannot be taken away
There will never be a reason why I will surrender to your advice
To change myself, I'd rather die
Lonely, we'll not understand
I will make the greatest sacrifice
You can't predict where the outcome lies
You'll never take me alive
I'm alive
I'm alive
I'm alive
I'm alive
I'm alive
I'm alive
I'm alive
I'm alive

reaper281 @ 2006-04-23T01:53:00

2006-04-23T06:54:09Z

Artist: Linkin Park
Song: My December

this is my december
this is my time of the year
this is my december
this is all so clear

this is my december
this is my snow covered home
this is my december
this is me alone

and i
just wish that i didnt feel
like there was something i missed
and i
take back all the things i said
to make you feel like that
and i
just wish that i didnt feel
like there was something i missed
and i
take back all the things i said to you

and i give it all away
just to have somewhere to go to
give it all away
to have someone to come home to

this is my december
these are my snow covered dreams
this is me pretending
this is all i need

and i
just wish that i didnt feel
like there was something i missed
and i
take back all the things i said
to make you feel like that
and i
just wish that i didnt feel
like there was something i missed
and i
take back all the things i said to you

and i give it all away
just to have somewhere to go to
give it all away
to have someone to come home to

this is my december
this is my time of the year
this is my december
this is all so clear

and i give it all away
just to have somewhere to go to
give it all away
to have someone to come home to

reaper281 @ 2006-04-16T18:21:00

2006-04-16T23:21:45Z

Artist: Lostprophets
Song: Last Train Home

One! Two! Three!

To every broken heart in here
Love was once a part, but now it's disappeared
She told me that it's all a part of the choices that your making
Even when you think you're right
You have to give to take

But there's still tomorrow
Forget the sorrow
And I can be on the last train home
Watch it pass the day
As it fades away
No more time to care
No more time, today

But we sing
If we're going nowhere
Yeah we sing
If it's not enough
And we sing
Sing without a reason
To ever fall in love

I wonder if you're listening
Picking up on the signals
Sent back from within
Sometimes it feels like I don't really know whats going on
Time and time again it seems like everything is wrong in here

But there's still tomorrow
Forget the sorrow
And I can be on the last train home
Watch it pass the day
As it fades away
No more time to care
No more time, today

But we sing
If we're going nowhere
Yeah we sing
If it's not enough
And we sing
Sing without a reason
To ever fall in love

Well we sing if we're going nowhere
Yeah we sing if it's not enough
And we sing
Sing without a reason to ever fall in love

But we sing
If we're going no where
Yeah we sing
If it's not enough
And we sing
Sing with out a reason to never fall in love
To never fall in love again

reaper281 @ 2006-04-14T00:59:00

2006-04-14T05:59:45Z

The perfect drug

I got my head, but my head is unraveling
Can’t keep control, can’t keep track of where it’s traveling
I got my heart but my heart is no good
And you’re the only one that’s understood
I come along but I don’t know where you’re taking me
I shouldn’t go but you’re reaching back and shaking me
Turn off the sun, pull the stars from the sky
The more I give to you, the more I die

And I want you
And I want you
And I want you
And I want you

You are the perfect drug, the perfect drug, the perfect drug
You are the perfect drug, the perfect drug, the perfect drug

You make me hard, when I’m all soft inside
I see the truth, when I’m all stupid eyed
The arrow goes straight through my heart
Without you everything just falls apart

My blood wants to say hello to you
My feelings want to get inside of you
My soul is so afraid to realize
Every little word is a lack of me

And I want you
And I want you
And I want you
And I want you

You are the perfect drug, the perfect drug, the perfect drug
You are the perfect drug, the perfect drug, the perfect drug
You are the perfect drug, the perfect drug, the perfect drug
You are the perfect drug, the perfect drug, the perfect drug
You are the perfect drug, the perfect drug, the perfect drug
You are the perfect drug, the perfect drug, the perfect drug
(whispering)
You are the perfect drug, the perfect drug, the perfect drug
You are the perfect drug, the perfect drug, the perfect drug
You are the perfect drug, the drug, the perfect drug

Take me, with you
Take me, with you
Take me, with you
(continues in backround)
Without you, without you everything falls apart
Without you, it’s not as much fun to pick up the pieces
Without you, without you everything falls apart
Without you, it’s not as much fun to pick up the pieces
It’s not as much fun to pick up the pieces
It’s not as much fun to pick up the pieces
Without you, without you everything falls apart
Without you, it’s not as much fun to pick up the piec

reaper281 @ 2006-04-13T20:10:00

2006-04-14T01:10:40Z

Disorder	Your Score
Major Depression:	Slight
Dysthymia:	Very Slight
Bipolar Disorder:	High
Cyclothymia:	Very High
Seasonal Affective Disorder:	Very Slight
Postpartum Depression:	N/A
Take the Depression Test

To Victory!

2006-04-12T04:26:41Z

My bid for world domination
LiveJournal Username
Why you did it
Your lair
Your hideous secret weapon
Your favourite colour

Beautiful and exotic but deadly eastern lieutenant	lynorran
Henchperson who constantly plays with knifes	bishopshangrila
Your perverted scientific genius	lynorran
You cordon bleu chef	domperez
Lieutenant with serious moral qualms	nigthshadewolf
Number of countries subverted	94


This Fun Quiz created by Andrew at BlogQuiz.Net

Capricorn Horoscope at DailyHoroscopes.Biz

reaper281 @ 2006-04-11T23:21:00

2006-04-12T04:21:49Z

Your LiveJournal Pirate Crew
LiveJournal Username
Fifteen men on a dead man's chest!
Cutlass or pistol?
What is the name of your pirate ship?
Where is your secret pirate base?
What kind of loot do you prefer?
What do you and your crew prefer to be called?
Parrot or monkey?
Argh!

Your capable first mate	starlitrunaway
Your bumbling cabin boy with a heart of gold	starlitrunaway
The aloof, yet honorable, pirate with a mysterious past	lynorran
Is always the first one into the fray	starlitrunaway
Is the naval officer who ruthlessly pursues your ship	lady_silverwind
Is the comical pirate who is always drunk on grog	lady_silverwind
Is currently in Davy Jones's locker	lauraelizabeth2
The amount of money you make as a pirate	$180,223


This Fun Quiz created by Lynn at BlogQuiz.Net

Australian News at NewsDump</a>

Sorry Laura...

Your Song

2006-04-11T20:48:16Z

It's a little bit funny this feeling inside
Im not one of those who can easily hide
Don't have much money but boy if I did
I'd buy a big house where we both could live
If I was a sculpter, but then again, no,
Or a man who makes potions in a travelling shore
I know it's not much but it's the best I can do

My gift is my song... and this one's for you
And you can tell everybody that this is your song
It may be quite simple, but now that it's done
I hope you don't mind, I hope you don't mind
That I put down in words...
How wonderful life is, now you're in the world

I sat on the roof and kicked off the moss
Well some of these verses, well they,
they've got me quite cross
But the sun's been kind while I wrote this song
It's for people like you that keep it turned on

So excuse me forgetting, but these things I do
You see I've forgotten if they're green or they're blue
Anyway, the thing is, what I really mean
Yours are the sweetest eyes, I've ever seen

And you can tell everybody that this is your song
It may be quite simple but now that it's done
I hope you don't mind, I hope you don't mind
That I put down in words
How wonderful life is, now you're in the world
I hope you don't mind, I hope you don't mind
That I put down in words
How wonderful life is, now you're in the world

reaper281 @ 2006-04-06T09:40:00

2006-04-06T14:40:30Z


	James Pills: Will cause you to get a song stuck in your head for over a day
	'What effect do you have on people?' at QuizGalaxy.com

reaper281 @ 2006-04-04T02:21:00

2006-04-04T07:30:39Z

I think ive finally decided what I want to do for now...

I thought about it. I thought about it alot. About all he pain. About the good times. Laura and I were great...but thats over now. I think we moved way to fast...like, skipped friendship, and were talking about marrage in almost no time flat.

I think I want to be single for now. I think I want to just have fun. I'm 20, not as bad looking as I would have everyone belive, and this is the prime of my life. I sit here and want to be tied down to one thing when I am at my best. So...Ill be single for now. Ill go and have fun. Date around. Not really get serious with anyone. I want that with Laura...but its gone now. So...I think I'll just have fun. Be happy.

As for her...were friends. I called her after work and talked to her, she sounded surprised to hear me. I think I was more surprised that she awnsered.

Were friends. She is....well, I dont know the future. Lets just say, that I have a strong, strong feeling that her and a certin taco will hook up. and I wish her the best for it. He and her...would make an awsome combo. She deserves somthing good that makes her happy. And I think that he would make her happy.

Tara comes down tommarow..well, today, if ya wanna get technical. Round 4 ish, my time. Were gonna go eat at Steak and Shake, crouse decatur some. Come back and play KH2. she insists that I can do nothing else. I told her I was gonna buy it...

I know its gonna make Laura mad, the thought that I am hanging out with her or two days stright. But...shes got to learn I am my own person. I have friends, some she dosnt like. Im not seeing Tara to hurt her, Im seeing her to get back towards normal. Hanging out with Josh and Amber made me realize that I am just...mopeing. Waiting on what will never come. I need to get out there, have fun, see people and be myself. Be normal old me...which aint that normal, but meh....moot point.

I still love you Laura...your my friend. you have a speical place in my heart. But I am threw waiting around for nothing to happen. Have fun, be happy, and go be yourself. Its the best advice I can give you.

reaper281 @ 2006-04-03T00:52:00

2006-04-03T05:54:19Z

"Numb"

Unable so lost
I can't find my way
Been searching, but I have never seen
A turning, a turning from deceit

Cos the child roses like
Try to reveal what I could feel

I can't understand myself anymore
But I m still feeling lonely
Feeling so unholy

Cos the child roses like
Try to reveal what I could feel
But this loneliness
It just won't leave me alone

I'm fooling somebody
A faithless path to roam
Deceiving to breath this secretly
This silence, a silence I can't bear

Cos the child roses like
Try to reveal what I could feel
And this loneliness
It just won't leave me alone
And this loneliness,
It just won't leave me alone, ohh no

A lady of war

A lady of war

reaper281 @ 2006-03-31T21:42:00

2006-04-01T03:51:41Z

Just got home from Josh and Ambers. Fun fun time. Half way threw the night I decided not to get drunk. I dunno why. I smoke now...cigars, exclusivly. Swisher Sweets, my new sin. Taste great, and they make me feel...mellow. Like I can handle it.

Sat out side and looked at the moon from their house. Realized how depressed I really was. I dressed in all black without realizing I did it thinkng I would see Laura. I got a D-day at work today....attendance. Bull shit reasons. My health comes first. But whatever...thier loss, not mine. I got paied.

Guess I need to come up with some bullshit reasons why I want that job...cant think of many. The rare occasions I got to work with Josh or Matt, or Thomas. Seeing Laura is just pain now...I was glad when I got to go home. Hopfully she dosnt work tommarow...or I will be so busy I dont see her.

Its like...she died. Or I did. I cant explane it. I was really happy with her...I had reasons to like my body, like myself. Now thier just...gone. Tara and I have been talking alot over the phone. Shes helped alot. I remembered what I saw in her as a friend. Her endless rants about nothing at all...she talked for 15 minutes about Kingdom Hearts 2. Hearing a friendly voice helped alot. Josh and Amber helped alot. Maybe I'll live after all.

That song I just posted was to her. Shes allways there, in the corner of my mind. Wondering what shes doing, where she is at. Who she is with. Wondering if I really want to know. I took up smoking because I just...wanted to trash myself. Give myself somthing new to deal with. I only smoke like, one or two a day. Im going to slow it to one a day. Too expensive, and they kinda make me sleepy.

My friends at work, Thomas and Josh are tring to stop me. I guess they dont get that I dont have a reason to. I dont know. Maybe Im just depressed.

Still need proof that I loved you Laura? Well.....it dosnt matter any more. Go get you someone that you belive, but they wont love you as much as I did. But that dosnt matter any more.

Till next time, see ya.

reaper281 @ 2006-03-31T21:42:00

2006-04-01T03:42:47Z

A hundred days have made me older
Since the last time that I saw your pretty face
A thousand lies have made me colder
And I don't think I can look at this the same

All the miles that separate
Disappear now when I'm dreamin' of your face
I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind

I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time
I'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight, there's only you and me.

The miles just keep rollin'
As the people leave their way to say hello
I've heard this life is overrated
But I hope that it gets better as we go.

I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time

I'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight girl, there's only you and me.

Everything I know, and anywhere I go
It gets hard but it won't take away my love
And when the last one falls, when it's all said and done.
It gets hard but it won't take away my love

I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time

I'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight girl, there's only you and me

reaper281 @ 2006-03-29T19:46:00

2006-03-30T01:51:19Z

Im giving up. I found out the truth. It....still hurts. I didnt think it would.

Laura...I really love you. You dont have to belive me. But I do. With everything. I cant prove it to you. I dont know how. So...Goodbye. I wont bother you again. I understand that you will hurt at first...but give it time and it will heal.

I give up. Im not meant to have anyone. Every time I do, then it just goes south...no one ever belives me. So...I give up. No more girls. No more sex. No more love. I dont care any more.

I hope I never see her parents, or duffy. Because I have a peice of my mind I want to give them. Hopefully, I wont see them. Their just scared idiots, jelous idiots anyways.

Josh....I need to get drunk. Fast. I dont know if you will see this...but were making a trip to windmill, next chance. tell your wife to call me so I can get her premission, if its needed. But I gotta...i gotta forget everything. I dont even want to remember my name.

Laura...I never lies. I never, ever thought about it. It was love for me....and you dont have to belive me. Thisngs will get better for you. You will see the group of guys wanting to love you. Dont urn them all down because of me. Go out, live a little. have fun. I love you.

reaper281 @ 2006-03-28T22:53:00

2006-03-29T04:56:46Z

Well, guessI screwed things up real well.

Laura came over. Things went swimingly. for an hour and a half we talked. ended us being together. We even made love. I was in heaven.

She calls me three hours later, saying its not gonna work. saying she still loves me, but that she made a mistake.

You know what? If your going to crush a persons heart, do it clean and right!!! Dont fucking keep on with the I love your's and shit. Just do it, tell them you hate them, and move the fuck on.

I dont care if she wants to be friends. I tried, so very hard. I cant be friends with someone that just dumped me for another guy, and then wont admit it. Jeez...

Do I hate her? No, I just hate this. So its off. I dont talk to her, she dont talk to me. Were not dating or friends. I hope she has fun with Duffy.

gods....I think Ill just swear off women and become a hermit. its looking better all the time.