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This is my life. Be scared, be afraid, just dont hate.

"I have spred my dreams before the crowd;
Tread lightly for you tread upon my dreams" ~W.B. Yeats

...And they asked if I would trade 10 juggalos for 100 main-stream fans, and I said 'I woudnt trade 10 Juggalos for 100,000, main-stream fans. 10 Juggalos is priceless ~ Violent J
Current Month
Jan. 1st, 2007 @ 08:31 am Whys the Rum gone?
I suppose i might post on here once again. Bleh. Happy new years kids and kiddies. Yours truly had some very nice rum and shot a shotgun of at midnight to celibrate.

On the subject of Rum, it rocks. No prebuzz headache, no hangover, just that happy warm feeling you get in your tummy.

On the subject of shotguns, now my shoulder hurts. But it was worth it. i think i made that little obnoxious kid i live next door wet his bed. Ha!

Friday im planing on going for my license. ive a long book, plans fr 4 in the morning and a suit of damn midevil armor, just to get threw that zoo in huntsville. but i aint leaving till the damn card is in the mail. How did i hear is said? 'The fighting will end when it ends and not before' That fors for alot of situations right now..waiting on my car, waiting on my money from mom, waiting on my trip up to see Dianne.....waiting. im a wait o holic. Its like rum, i suppose

Met jody, Joel edward [Think its edward >.>], the mythical father figure i never knew. We ate in dariy queen and talked, and a little later, that next week or so, we went to my aunt lynns together. Hes a cool guy, and its freaky weird seeing us together. Somethings ARE genetic..we walk, sit and stand the same, both wear big coats, both have glasses, but smoke salems..walking out the dariy queen was a fucking twilight zone experience. Were side by side, walking to his car, and the same moment, same way, both pull out a pack of salems. He smokes lights, i smoke black label fulls, he looks over at me and askes if i smoke those, i nod, and we keep on trucking. It was only later when i got home that i realized how freaking weird that is. He looks the same, talks the same i suppose, with a definit 60's kinda jive.

Holy cow i met my dad and he was me. well, no more guessing what the future holds for me! [P.S. I get to keep my hair till im at least 60 -headbangs-]
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Jul. 26th, 2006 @ 12:59 pm
You May Be a Bit Schizotypal...

A bit odd and socially isolated.
You couldn't care less of what others think.
And some of your beliefs are a little weird.
Like that time you thought you were Jesus.
About this Entry
Jul. 24th, 2006 @ 03:24 am
You scored as Dragon. Dragon: Now talk about a legend. These magnificent creatures are of many species. Some can be as large as the Earth itself, while others are as small as a mouse. One image that comes to everyone's mind is the large, fire breathing Dragons that loathed humans and loved to sleep on massive piles of gold. Not all dragons have a bad reputation. Most dragons are very wise, caring, and protective. It would make a person very lucky indeed to meet a dragon. Especially if they walked away untouched. I admire your wisdom, for you are the Ancient Dragon.














What Mythological Creature are you? (Cool Pics!)
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Jul. 24th, 2006 @ 03:08 am
Everyone that didnt see this coming, smack yourself with a tuna

You scored as XIII: Death. Death is probably the most well known Tarot card - and also the most misunderstood. Most Tarot novices would consider Death to be a bad card, especially given its connection with the number thirteen. In fact this card rarely indicates literal death.Without "death" there can be no change, only eventual stagnation. The "death" of the child allows for the "birth" of the adult. This change is not always easy. The appearance of Death in a Tarot reading can indicate pain and short term loss, however it also represents hope for a new future.


XI: Justice


XIII: Death


II - The High Priestess


VIII - Strength


XVI: The Tower


IV - The Emperor


XIX: The Sun


VI: The Lovers


I - Magician


0 - The Fool


X - Wheel of Fortune


III - The Empress


XV: The Devil


Which Major Arcana Tarot Card Are You?
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Jul. 14th, 2006 @ 04:05 pm
Wow its been a while. sorry guys, i havent been posting like i want to. I dont know why. Part of it is just life, nothing really new. Part of it is Laura. Part of it is that im now a certified Second Life adict. Greatest game ever, if theyd stop updating it and screwing it up.

So, whats new. Not dating anyone, and not looking to, really. Im tired of the game, so to speak. Everyone has someone, that is, everyone else. Meh.

Im gonna kill that damn Rain song if it comes on my playlist again.

Working at the local BP gas station. Wee, thats a fun job. Get your work done, sit on your ass. im serious. Now if i could get more than 3 days a week...

Its looking like i will be in my moms old house till october. Then i turn 21 (oh joy, i can drink legaly whenever im depressed) and can sell drinks. then im moving to Decature and get a job in a store that sells alchol. Apperently, their allways looking for help, and they pay $7/hr. hells yes. Whats life without the danger of being robbed and killed at 2am?

I dont really care anymore. Not about anything. My friends and my cat, really.

So I wont get my license back till December. hen i have to be on SR11 insurance till 2009. thats a load of bullcrap. I might as well just keep on biking, i cant afford that crap. The government is just outt to down the poor man, I swear.

Heres a song for Laura. One that i wish shed read and accual do. Calls from her, a month later, where she talks about missing me and such, arnt helping. She wanted to go hang out sometime, but she must not get it. I dunno. Here it is.

Hate Me

[message on voicemail:] Hi Justin! This is your mother. It is 2:33 on Monday afternoon. I was just calling to see how you were doing. You sounded really uptight last night, it made me a little nervous, and a little, well it made me nervous, but it sounded like you were nervous too. I just want to make sure you are really okay and wanted to see if you were checking in on your medication too. You know I love ya and take care honey. I know your under a lot of pressure. See ya. Bye Bye!

I have to block out thoughts of you so I don’t lose my head
They crawl in like a cockroach leaving babies in my bed
Dropping little reels of tape to remind me that I’m alone
Playing movies in my head that make a porno feel like home
There's a burning in my pride, a nervous bleeding in my brain
An ounce of peace is all I want for you. will you never call again?
And will you never say that you love me just to put it in my face?
And will you never try to reach me? it is I that wanted space

Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you

I’m sober now for 3 whole months it’s one accomplishment that you helped me with
The one thing that always tore us apart is the one thing I won’t touch again
In my sick way I want to thank you for holding my head up late at night
While I was busy waging wars on myself, you were trying to stop the fight
You never doubted my warped opinions on things like suicidal hate
You made me compliment myself when it was way too hard to take
So I’ll drive so fucking far away that I never cross your mind
And do whatever it takes in your heart to leave me behind

Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn’t do for you

Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what’s good for you

And with a sad heart I say bye to you and wave
Kicking shadows on the street for every mistake that I had made
And like a baby boy I never was a man
Until I saw your blue eyes cry and I held your face in my hand
And then I fell down yelling “Make it go away!”
Just make a smile come back and shine just like it used to be
And then she whispered “How can you do this to me?”

Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn’t do for you

Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what’s good for you
For you
For you
For you
About this Entry
May. 19th, 2006 @ 01:55 am
I tear my heart open, I sow myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
My scars remind me that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel

Drunk and I'm feeling down
And I just wanna be alone
I'm pissed cause you came around
Why don't you just go home
Cause you channel all your pain
And I can't help to fix myself
Your making me insane
All I can say is


I tried to help you once
A kiss will only vise
I saw you going down
But you never realized
That your drowning in the water
So I offered you my hand
Compassions in my nature
Tonight is our last dance


I'm drunk and I'm feeling down
And I just wanna be alone
You shouldn't ever came around
Why don't you just go home?
Cause your drowning in the water
And I tried to grab your hand
And I left my heart open
But you didn't understand
But you didn't understand
You fix yourself

I can't help you fix yourself
But at least I can say I tried
I'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own life
I can't help you fix yourself
But at least I can say I tried
I'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own life

chorus x2
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Apr. 29th, 2006 @ 07:05 am
How I am: happy'At Home'
Ahh...things are looking up!

Walked to the store around 10 last night. Was feeling like i needed to get out. So I walked..also promised my new subby that we would both get into shape..she walks on a tredmill for half an hour, i walk to the store. I dont suppose the fact that I bought ciggerettes and then scarfed a steakburger matters...>.>...<.<....

I was really happy after I left Huddle House. I dont know if it was the food, or the walk, or the fact that the girl behind the counter at Huddle House kept giving me googly eyes as I ate...but I was. I suspect its a new life improvement I have.

I finaly stopped denying it. Im a freak. Im a 'Dom', or a Dominate. My new subby..or submissive, is great. She is fun to talk to, says 'Yes, Master' just right...and makes me smile, just at random times. I love it. Its not just a sexual, i wanna tie her up, she wants to be tied up and spanked kinda thing...its deeper. She trusts me to make decisions for her. Like the walking thing. I trust her to do as told..and catch me, if I get over zelous. Its..wonderful.

I was very happy..then I dropped my flashlight. Broke it too..the battery case is lose, and I lost one of the batteries. -sigh-. So I walked, and called her. Were tring to get a picture of her to format into text, I think its called ASCII. would look awesome. Made it home, got on Furcadia, blah blah blah..went to bed, the soft moans of my pet playing wither self to warm me. After my phone died -glares- I tried sleeping..and got up an hour later. Didnt work.

Had a bad assed Idea for a Furc charater..but its a surprise. She will love it, I know. Then again, ill never be as good as the real thing...

-sigh- so im happy. As she put it, when she described the time she first realized she was submissive, I feel 'at home'
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Apr. 27th, 2006 @ 03:26 pm YES!!!
Dance the night away by karchan85
What you Look like
The MusicReggae
Quiz created with MemeGen!
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Apr. 27th, 2006 @ 12:04 am
I guess I did it again. Refused to see the writting on the wall...

Where to start.

Laura and I are over...for good. Shes...tore me a good one. Her and Duffy are datting..she will deny it all she can, she will say she still loves and cares for me....but I know its a lie now.

Funny, how when somthing like this happens, you expect tears. I expected to be screaming, hiting the wall..everything. But I'm not. Blame it on Ciggerettes.

Yea...ciggerettes. my new hobbie. 'Smoke smoke smoke, puff that ciggerette till you die'

So...im blah. Feel kinda..shell shocked. Numb and cold. Maybe I will cry later.

I told her we were threw...and she just said 'okay. see ya.'


I really want to get drunk. right now. A big ol' bottle of vodka and a tiny botle of orange juice. Thats what i need. Hook me up.

Maybe Josh will...

Laura...you were great. you gave me so much. Now you take it all away and give it to someone new...and I wont say a word, as long as you happy. He makes you that way. I am glad for you. Maybe he will give you somthing you want that i couldnt. Maybe your parents will like him. maybe you will love him. Thank you for 4 months of your life. I dont regret any of it.

I guess this makes me single. Any of my friends know a nice, single, slightly or extreamly kinky girl that is looking for a guy? give he my number if you do. I cant wait till I have my car back. Get to go to Books-a-million again. Hang out in joe mugs, smile and see people. Soon enough, ill be 21...and then theres no end to it. Clubs, bars. Hell, i could become popular.

I am going to try and update more...i know I missed alot here. Quiting walmart. The chance to go to South Carolina. But I am too....numb to type it.

Good bye, my Lala. May your days be blessed, and may your love stay strong. G'night everyone.
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Apr. 24th, 2006 @ 04:46 am >.>...im such a freak...
You scored as A Slave To BDSM. Admit it, you like being tied up and being told you've been very naughty. You like teasing your partner and making them squirm, and not letting them be able to do anything about it. Some people think what you do is sick and disgusting, but you know it's all in good fun.


A Slave To BDSM


Sex God


A Romantic




How are you in bed
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